One Step Forward, Two Steps Back?
When I first heard Eminem and Rihanna’s “Love the Way You Lie”, I was impressed. The lyrics of the song, which depict the cyclical nature of domestic violence, were gripping, raw, and touched me in a way that few songs rarely do. Each verse cycles through the violent argument, the apologetic pleas for forgiveness, and the promises given to the victim to keep her from leaving. I was pleased to see attention brought to the issue of domestic violence and saw the song as a strong teaching tool… but all that changed once I saw the music video.
I am not surprised at how violent the video for the song turned out to be; that’s not the problem I have. My concern is that the video glamorizes domestic violence instead of showing it as what it really is… a living nightmare. In one scene, the abuser strikes the victim and pushes her against the wall. Rather than show the victim struggling to get away or lying helpless, the couple is then shown transitioning from the fight to the bedroom, kissing passionately as if the violence was a form of foreplay.
Working for a Domestic Violence agency, I have witnessed how difficult it is to escape a violent relationship and understand the long-term effects of such a traumatic situation. While this helps me to identify that the video wrongly romanticizes intimate partner abuse, the majority of people who watch the video don’t have the ability to distinguish between what is reality and what is solely for shock and entertainment value.
Viewers of the video are impressionable teenage kids just beginning to enter the dating world and young adults learning how to form healthy, serious relationships. The only way that will be possible is if we stop sending them mixed messages. Domestic violence is real. It is not sexy, it is not mysterious, it is not remotely pleasurable. It is painful, it is consuming, and unfortunately many times it is inescapable. While I applaud the attempt of both Eminem and Rihanna to shed light on domestic abuse, I am afraid the video only hurts the cause.
They say that any publicity is good publicity, but in your opinion, is this the kind of attention we want to draw to domestic violence? Should we be thanking Eminem and Rihanna for shining light on the subject, or is their work doing more harm than good?
I don’t think the video sends the wrong message or gives the wrong impression at all. True, they picked a sexy woman to play the victim, but as we all know, this will help draw viewers and gain exposure for the video and/or issue. It would be helpful if they included the National DV Hotline # at the end of the video and/or some statistics on DV.
I see the video being used as an outlet for expression of both artists. Rhianna is a known victim of DV and symbolizes the pain and agony of being a victim of domestic violence. She expresses herself through her music whereas someone else may express themselves to a therapist or a physical outlet like sports. Maybe she is trying to show young women that even though you love the person who abuses you, later on you will realize the promises to change are a lie. Eminem is known as a batterer and throughout the song describes how it feels agonizing inside to hurt the one you love but not be able to stop it. He may be expressing his personal feelings of being a batterer or he may be role playing to express things he was exposed to as a child that deeply hurt him. Eminem recently recovered from years of isolation and overeating – maybe he got some therapy and wants to do some good with the power he has from his influence of youth?
I see the video depicting each person being hurt by domestic violence and each person needing help. Unhealthy relationships are painful and can result in injury, disability/disfigurement, and even death. I think it’s brave that these two artists have come together to bring this issue to the forefront.
Kayla, thanks for your post! I’m glad you didnt get the wrong impression. Have you met anyone who thinks the video is cool? Like they dont see that kind of violence as being wrong? When I look at the video I just keep seeing them equate violence with something sexy and passionate, but it shouldnt be, should it? They could have cast someone other Megan Fox, right? but they didnt. I want to know why her? Why a sexy model / actress? It could be because they want to sell the video, so they’re using violence, sex, passion to make money, perhaps.
In my opinion and others that I’ve asked on the subject, The video helps the subject and describes the intensity that goes on in those kind of relationships. I love the song and the video. In no way is the violence foreplay to the passion. It is violence and her giving in to her lover. She decides not to leave him and gives in. But the song lets u know that it will end badly. She doesn’t just get beat up for the fun of it. And by the way, I’m one of the young adults it’s giving the “wrong impression” to supposedly.
Sincerely,
Kayla
Age:19