Next Door is Honored to Participate in Global Fellowship Program
Alvin Winford, an experienced community leader from Brewerville, Liberia will contribute to the local community through a four-month fellowship funded by the U.S. Department of State’s Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs. Mr. Winford will apply a global lens to issues facing Santa Clara County through practical work experience at Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence while gaining transferable leadership and management skills that he will later apply in his own communities.
The Community Solutions Program, which places sixty-four global leaders in 27 U.S. states and the District of Columbia, is one-of-a-kind. Through hands-on collaboration, 57 organizations will provide their leaders with community development experience in the U.S. in one of four topic areas: tolerance/conflict resolution, women’s issues, environmental issues, and transparency and accountability. Community leaders will volunteer their time and perspectives to finding innovative solutions to local challenges.
Alvin Winford comes to San Jose with over 9 years of experience working on community development initiatives, specifically focusing on issues related to women and children. In Liberia, Alvin was the program manager at the African Network for the Prevention and Protection against Child Abuse and Neglect where he worked to mitigate gender-based violence in local communities. Most recently, he has spearheaded a project that has helped increase the capacity of local police forces to respond to gender-based violence. At Next Door, Alvin will continue his work to alleviate violence against women by acting as a full-time advocate in order to assess program impacts on Next Door’s clients.
In addition to working at Next Door, Alvin will participate in an online Community Leadership institute, a web-based leadership course developed by IREX that focuses on key leadership and organizational management skills. Alvin will leave the U.S. not only with skills and strong connections to his colleagues at Next Door, but also with a strong global network that will strengthen his community engagement.
At the end of Alvin’s time in the United States, he will create a plan for a new initiative in Liberian communities and spend six months implementing that project. Continued collaboration with Next Door Solutions ensures that the learning continues, even after his return to his home country.
All of us at Next Door feel honored and privileged to be working with Alvin and look forward to the upcoming months!
Vice President Biden Takes a Stand Against Violence Against Women
As high school and college students begin to enter into the classroom this school year, Vice President Joe Biden is spearheading an online campaign to get those young people involved in ending domestic violence against women which continues to occur on school campuses as an alarming rate.
The Vice President is no stranger to using social media. Earlier this July, his first official tweet was dedicated to promoting his campaign to end violence against women. He promoted the Twitter hashtag #1is2many as a way for individuals to share ideas for making school campuses safer for women. Biden has also helped launch a campaign called “Apps Against Abuse” which challenges web and app designers to create an interactive software application that will empower young people, in real time, to look out for their friends in order to prevent violence or assault before it occurs.
“One in five young women will be a victim of sexual assault while they’re at college, 1 in 10 teens will be hurt on purpose by someone they are dating, and 1 in 9 teen girls will be forced to have sex,” Biden states. “You don’t know these women as statistics. You know them as friends, as sisters.”
“There’s no such thing as an innocent bystander when it comes to the abuse of a woman,” Biden says. “If you know of it, or you see it, you have an absolute obligation to try and stop it.”
The Vice President also has a message for men and boys, delivering what he says is a “very simple rule.”
“No means no. No means no if she’s drunk or sober. No means no if she’s on the dorm room or the street. No means no even if she said yes first and changed her mind. No means no, no matter what. I’m asking all of you, all of you to help get this message out.”
Have a Meal. Save a Life.
Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence is Santa Clara County’s oldest and most comprehensive provider of services to victims of abuse. When victims need a safe person to talk to, our hotline is open 24/7. When abused moms and their children need a safe place to stay, a bed is waiting for them at our shelter.
Next Door’s continuum of services gives domestic violence victims choices in rebuilding their lives… and YOU can play a part providing essential services to one of our most vulnerable populations.
Join staff and supporters of Next Door on Thursday September 22 at Pasta Pomodoro as we spread awareness of domestic violence in our community while enjoying a fantastic meal. Pasta Pomodoro is located at 378 Santana Row in San Jose.
All you have to do is click on this link, print out the flyer, and turn it in with your bill. Pasta Pomodoro will take care of the rest by donating 20% of your bill to Next Door!
Thank you for supporting Next Door and we can’t wait to see you there!
When Domestic Violence like the Daou Murder Strikes, the Community is not Helpless
By Kathleen Krenek
Special to the Mercury News
Published 8/11/2011
We often hear stories about senseless violence and express disbelief. For some, it’s because it forces them to acknowledge that there is nothing they can do about it. In trying to understand the Daou murder-suicide case, however, it is important to note the devil is in the details.
The crime, horrific and shocking as it was, took place because Ed Daou was a batterer who abused his wife and then used their children to further abuse his wife. In contrast to other senseless violence, these details are concrete. And there is actually something we can do about it.
Ed Daou, an affluent developer in Los Gatos, was a successful businessman. He was “aggressive” in business. He was a “caring father.” Ed Daou also abused his wife, Carmen, so much that she had to leave him, leave her home and obtain a protective restraining order, which revealed a man so obsessed with controlling her that he would go to any means to do so.
Domestic violence victim advocates can tell you story after story about fathers who use their own children as pawns to abuse their victims, creating family rifts that position the mother as inferior and the father as the good guy.
Consider this example: An abuser hits his wife when the children aren’t around, then turns into the “fun” parent when the children are around. The victim, their mother, is frazzled, anxious and stressed out. The children see their father in a good mood, then see their mother: stressed out,annoyed and scared. Then their father says, “Hey let’s go to the movies.” The mother doesn’t want to go, spoiling their family fun. In the eyes of the kids, the father is the good guy.
The abuser deliberately creates this contrast. He knows what he is doing. He is not being unreasonable, but calculating, manipulative, intentional. This is typical in a family affected by domestic violence — the abuser manipulates, controls and denies accountability. The abuser also gets deadly when his victim leaves.
It is a fact that the risk of death increases when a victim tries to separate from her abuser. Time and time again, abusers use all means necessary to continue to abuse, harass and assault their victims. Carmen Daou, in the record of her restraining order, expressed fear that her abuser would use her children to get back at her. Fathers use their own sons to abuse their victims. And fathers kill their own sons to hurt their victims in the most painful way possible.
An aggressive businessman, a caring father, a batterer. Ed Daou chose the latter as his legacy. But why was he so consumed that he chose to take his own son’s life and then his own? Why are batterers so insecure that they refuse to live if they can’t have their way? The answers to these and other questions are not easily found, but they must be sought, they must be discussed, and they must be understood. If we do not confront them, and if we accept the erroneous notion that domestic violence is something that happens between two people, then it will happen again and again.
If we accept that domestic violence is a community issue, that we should talk about it in our classrooms, in our homes, with our children and our family and friends, then I’m hopeful that we can prevent more fathers from killing their sons.
One way to start the conversation is by calling Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence. Our hot line number is 408-279-2962. Ask us how you can help to stop the violence before it starts.
Can You Help Us?
Next Door Solutions is embarking on a new venture and we can’t do it without you!
When faced with the realities of our current economy what do most of us use for help, guidance or networking? We use technology – computers, the internet – to update resumes, reach out to our network of colleagues, look for jobs, and post our interests. And we do so without even thinking about it.
Now, imagine you didn’t or couldn’t have access to a computer. How would you job search? How would you submit applications? How could you provide for yourself or your family?
All too often this is the situation faced by the women we serve in our Self-Sufficiency program.
Next Door is seeking to enhance our program by building a client computer lab. At this facility, our clients will have the ability to not only search for employment, but also to take online college classes, create web-based businesses, and learn the technological skills that are required in order to be successful in Silicon Valley today.
With the addition of a new computer lab, our clients will have access to tools and resources that will help them achieve independence and autonomy over their own lives.
To help us fulfill this goal, Next Door has teamed up with Start Some Good, a crowd-funding website that is providing us with a platform to raise our computer lab’s start up funds.
There’s a catch… Our campaign is done in an all-or-nothing fashion. Supporters can pledge their support, but will only be charged if and when a campaign reaches its tipping point. The tipping point is the amount of money required to start some good, which in our case is $1370 (enough money for three laptops, three mice, and ten flash drives). We have only a limited amount of time to reach this amount so we need your help today!
Please log onto our venture’s site and pledge your support. It takes only a few moments and with your help, women will be able to go from a state of surviving to a state of thriving.
Now that you’ve donated, are you still looking for other ways to help? Great! Consider doing one of the following:
- Write an e-mail or forward this webpage to friends, family and anyone else you know asking them to support Next Door’s campaign. Then, ask them to share it with their friends!
- Utilize your LinkedIn network by updating your status about this opportunity.
- Write personalized messages on Facebook telling your friends about the campaign and asking for their support.
- Tweet about it.
- Have a birthday coming up? Consider foregoing presents this year and ask your friends to donate to this important cause on your behalf.
- Add the campaign’s link to your e-mail signature.
- Reach out to your personal network… Do you know any bloggers or members of the local media who can help bring awareness to our campaign?
On behalf of Next Door’s clients and staff, thank you for helping us help women achieve the happiness and self-empowerment that they so greatly deserve.
Next Door’s Teen Program Seeks Mentors
Next Door believes that all youth have an inalienable right to safety, to live in peace and not have to contend with violence in their day-to-day lives and relationships. Did you know that Teen Dating Violence increases risk of illicit drug and alcohol use, suicide, and unintended pregnancy? Teens can also develop patterns of victimization that increase their risk of PTSD, clinical depression, and anxiety, which can lead to other negative health behaviors. In response, Next Door is implementing the first year of its Teen Power (Proud OF Wanting Equal Relationships) Program. Working with eight local teens, Next Door seeks to address Teen Dating Violence through two major youth-led, multi-year outreach and education campaigns that support the notion that Teen Dating Violence is unacceptable, avoidable, and preventable.
To do this, however, we need mentors to guide the young men and women in the POWER Program during the development and execution of these outreach and education campaigns. The teens will implement one social media and one sport-team outreach and education campaign and so we seek experts in the following fields to act as mentors:
- Social Media
- Marketing and Communications
- Sports
- Public Relations
- Video / Film making
- Community Organizing into the list of fields
Mentors would be asked to commit twelve to fifteen hours of their time from September 6, 2011 to April 24, 2012, which include the following:
Three evening meetings, during which mentors will present information on various aspects of implementing social media and/or sport-team outreach campaigns
- Three one-hour sit down meetings with the POWER teams to discuss development and implementation in a more detailed manner
- Less formal, on-call guidance and availability for troubleshooting and questions
Thank you so much for your interest in helping youth engage their peers in their effort to stop the violence before it starts. We recognize that your time is very valuable and so are grateful for your consideration of this volunteer opportunity.
Please, if you have any questions, contact Lucero Arellano, Next Door’s Children & Youth Program Manager, at (408) 501-7545 or through email at larellano@nextdoor.org.
Special Needs Student Forced to Apologize to Rapist
The Republic School District in Springfield, Missouri is being sued for ignoring a 7th grade special education student’s rape claims and then expelling the student for reporting her attacker. This story is another shocking, yet all too real, example of the victim blaming and shaming that is so pervasive in our culture today.
According to the lawsuit, the student had been harassed and assaulted by a male classmate who raped her while on school grounds. When the young girl gathered the courage to report the crime to school officials, they allegedly told her that they did not believe her story. Instead of referring the girl to a counselor or reporting the crime to authorities, school officials instead coerced the student into taking back her allegations. When she recanted her story, the school forced her to write and hand deliver a letter of apology to her rapist.
The young victim was expelled for the rest of the year but when she returned to school the following year, the boy continued his harassment. The girl kept silent about what she was experiencing out of fear of being punished even further. It was not until the boy raped her in the back of the library that she decided to speak with school officials, who remained unconvinced that she was telling the truth. The girl’s mother took her daughter to the Child Advocacy Center, where a rape kit confirmed a sexual assault had taken place and matched the DNA to that of the accused. The boy then pleaded guilty in juvenile court.
The school has stated that they believe the suit to be frivolous and unfounded, despite the fact that the evidence shows the girl was indeed raped at least once by the boy while on school property.
Sadly, situations such as these aren’t as uncommon as we’d like to think. While some of these stories have garnered attention from the media, the majority of them never see the light of day. Imagine all of the young women who have attempted to report the crimes committed against them but have given up, since they just seem to be ignored or chastised anyway.
Please send a message to the Republic School District that their actions in this case are reprehensible. Take the time to demand that school officials nationwide begin to protect young victims of sexual violence, rather than victimize them further.
A Pawn In His Game
A couple of months ago, Next Door’s Executive Director Kathleen Krenek wrote a blog post titled “The Six Degrees of Separation”. If you haven’t read it already, please take the time to do so. In the post, she debunks the myth that states since domestic violence occurs within one’s private home, the crimes do not affect those of us who do not intimately know the family involved. As if I needed any further convincing, my own personal degrees of separation to a victim of domestic violence shrunk this weekend after hearing the news about a Los Gatos murder-suicide.
I personally did not know 22-year-old Andrew Daou, but many of my friends did. As it turns out, Andrew and I attended high school together. He was an immensely talented basketball star who somehow managed to juggle a social life, academics, and his love of sports. While our paths may have never crossed while in school, I can’t help but be saddened that we are now somehow connected in his death. I never would have guessed that I’d be writing about the passing of a classmate due to domestic violence and to be honest, it’s still mind-boggling. But if we don’t do something to combat this epidemic now, I’m afraid to say that stories like these are only going to become more commonplace.
A little less than a month ago, sheriff deputies responded to the upper class Daou home, standing by for protection as Carmen Daou quickly loaded up a moving van to leave her husband. It was not the first time the police were called to the home and unfortunately, it would not be the last. Earlier this week, the bodies of prominent businessman Ed Daou and his son Andrew were found in their home, their death caused by gun shot wounds. Investigators believe that Ed shot his son and then fatally shot himself.
What could ever drive a father to kill his only son? We know that violence and abuse escalates when a woman is preparing to leave the relationship, and the Daou case seems to prove that point. Ed Daou’s act was the ultimate in showcasing power and exercising revenge, an attempt to regain control over the woman who had made the decision to remove herself from his life. Andrew was merely a pawn in his game.
While we may never be able to predict the future, it’s about time that we start to learn from our past. The San Jose Mercury News stated that Ed Daou’s previous outbursts were like thunder before a storm. If you sense trouble, please help before it is too late. To learn how you can help a friend in need, please click here.
Andrew, I’m so incredibly sorry that I never had the chance to get to know you. May you rest in peace.
Man Accused of Rape Seeks Revenge on Accuser
If you’ve ever wondered just how conniving, manipulative, and controlling abusers can be, look no further than the following story. Women often face difficult consequences for reporting the abuse committed against them but it’s safe to say no one has ever experienced anything like Seemoa Sumasar did. After accusing her ex-boyfriend of rape, he staged an elaborate CSI-like plot that left her in jail for over seven months.
According to the New York Times, Seemoa Sumasar began dating Jerry Ramrattan in 2006, after he posed as a police detective and private investigator in order to impress her. He moved into her home in 2008 but instead of going to work, he stayed at home and watched shows like CSI and Law and Order on repeat. Their relationship began to crumble about a year later and took a violent turn when he attacked her, taped her mouth shut, and raped her. Sumasar went to the police and refused to drop the charges even when Ramrattan sent friends to threaten her.
What happens next is “A revenge plot so intricate, the prosecutors were pawns”.
One night, Sumasar was pulled over by the police, handcuffed, and told by an officer “You know you did it…. Just admit it”. She was taken to the police station and charged with performing a series of armed robberies. The police claimed they had a wealth of evidence connecting her to the crimes, which included credible witness statements and proof that her car was used as the getaway vehicle. As a result, Sumasar lost her business and her home, was separated from her young daughter and had to come to terms with the fact that while she was sitting in a jail cell for a crime she did not commit, her rapist was free on bail and roaming the streets.
While his scheme was no doubt meticulous, it would not have succeeded if law enforcement hadn’t assumed from the very beginning that Sumasar was guilty or refused to investigate her claims that she was being framed. Had officials decided to take her statements seriously, they would have found that the three “witnesses” were being paid to participate in the set-up. The New York Times reports that Ramrattan coached the supposed victims to say that a woman identical to Sumasar robbed them and were even shown photographs in order to be able to pick her out of a line-up. Another “witness” came forward, claiming that he saw all of the digits from Sumasar’s car as it drove away from the scene and that he overheard the robbers use nicknames associated to Sumasar and a former boyfriend.
Shortly before Sumasar was scheduled to go to trial, the case fell apart when a witness confessed to police that their story was false. Ramrattan is currently awaiting trial and is making the claim that all of this is part of Sumasar’s scheme to set him up. Sumasar is planning on suing the police department for presuming that a woman without prior criminal convictions was guilty, despite evidence that proves otherwise, and for refusing to investigate her claims against a man who was accused of a violent sexual crime.
Over and over again, we see the burden of proof placed upon victims of sexual violence. In this case, the proof was on the victim’s side and yet it was completely ignored. If not for the witness coming forward, Sumasar never would have stood a chance. Scary how our justice system works sometimes, isn’t it?
Clare’s Law: Instilling A False Sense of Security
British couple Clare Wood and George Appleton met through Facebook in 2007. Throughout their relationship, she was the victim of severe physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Clare eventually ended the relationship but Appleton continued to harass her and ultimately took her life in 2009. It appears that Clare was not the first and only woman abused at the hands of Appleton and his history of violence against women was documented and acknowledged by the British police. As a result of Clare’s death at the hands of a man with a proven record of violence, a new bill has been proposed in her name that would inform women about the violent pasts of their partners. That way, women like Clare would be able to make informed choices about whether or not to continue in their relationship.
While those advocating for this bill may have the best intentions, it will not in any way hamper the ability of a perpetrator to exercise violence and may actually do more harm than good.
For example, imagine this. You meet a really cute guy who brings you flowers, holds open the car, picks up the dinner check, and even lets you choose what movie to watch at the theatre. As weeks go by, someone convinces you to check his background with the police… you know, “just in case”. They tell you that he does actually have a record on file for a violent crime committed against a woman. By this time, it’s probably too late. Your feelings are strong and its gotten way more serious than you had thought. Besides, it’s probably not what you think, right? Now that you think about it, he did mention once that he had an evil ex who didn’t ever let him see the kids. She was probably the one who started the fight and he was just defending himself. Or at least, that’s what he would want you to think.
Perpetrators of domestic violence are manipulative and controlling, and Clare’s Law completely underestimates the hold they have over their victims. Making past history available isn’t necessary going to stop new abuse from forming. By the time victims realize that they should have listened to the police, leaving the relationship isn’t as clean cut as one would hope.
This leads me to the second problem I have with Clare’s Law. We live in a society where victim blaming is the name of the game, and this law will only exacerbate that problem. If a woman is warned about her partner, but she is convinced that he’s changed or things will be different this time, imagine how much more intense the victim blaming will be when she finally reports the assault. “She knew about him all along!” “What did she expect? History was bound to repeat itself!” The list goes on and on. This shift of responsibility from perpetrator to potential victim is the very thing we are trying to end and unfortunately, this law makes it harder for us to do so.
Lastly, I can’t help but think this law is going to lure women into some type of false sense of security. Rather than learning to listen and trust their own intuition, women will instead rely on the police to help them make decisions regarding their perspective suitors. What about the individuals who, for some reason or another, were not eligible to be included on this list despite previous violent incidences? And what about those who have yet to become violent or whose crimes have gone unreported? This reliance on official agencies and systems is simply far too dangerous and cannot be an effective strategy to end domestic violence in the long run.
What are your thoughts about Clare’s Law? Does it impeded upon civil liberties or is it a necessary step to protect the lives of women? Should the United States propose a similar law?
