Domestic Violence Affects Everyone
The People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA) neighborhood experiment, which was filmed in South Africa using hidden cameras, is a powerful and disturbing one. The PSA begins with a man playing drums in his home late at night. Over the course of the evening, he receives several complaints from neighbors claiming that the noise is too loud.
On a different night, the same man plays an audio recording of a couple having an argument, which quickly escalates with sounds of a woman getting beaten. Unlike the previous night, he receives no noise complaints or inquiries about what is going on inside. Had there been an actual fight, the woman would have been left alone while the neighbors stayed inside listening to the woman defend herself against her partner.
With at least 1 in 4 women experiencing domestic violence in their lifetime, it is safe to say that most people know someone who has experienced such abuse. Whether it is a family member, coworker, or neighbor, many of us question if we should help. The answer to that question is a resounding “Yes!” Most of us know that we should step in and help, but often times we talk ourselves out of doing anything because of our own self-consciousness. What kind of repercussions will follow if we intervene- will it only make the batterer even more upset? Maybe it’s just not any of my business? What if I say the wrong thing and make my friend upset?
I’m not saying that bringing up this conversation isn’t going to be awkward or by any means easy, but that doesn’t mean the conversation isn’t worth having. If it were your friend or family member who found themselves in this situation, wouldn’t you want someone to be in their corner, to listen and to help? It might be scary or make your friend or family member uncomfortable initially, but the message you send when staying quiet is far worse- that it’s okay.
It’s time that we send the message that partner abuse will not be tolerated. Domestic violence is everyone’s problem and has consequences for more than just the people involved. For example, children who witness domestic violence in the home are affected as seriously as the person being abused. These innocent children suffer from anxiety and depression that will follow them for years to come. How can future generations learn respect and boundaries if nobody steps in to help? It takes just one person to intervene and send the message that violence is not acceptable. It’s time to take back our community and end this cycle of violence once and for all.
There are resources available to assist those wishing to help a friend or family member who is currently experiencing abuse. Please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.thehotline.org) for ways to help… and possibly save lives.
One Step Forward, Two Steps Back?
When I first heard Eminem and Rihanna’s “Love the Way You Lie”, I was impressed. The lyrics of the song, which depict the cyclical nature of domestic violence, were gripping, raw, and touched me in a way that few songs rarely do. Each verse cycles through the violent argument, the apologetic pleas for forgiveness, and the promises given to the victim to keep her from leaving. I was pleased to see attention brought to the issue of domestic violence and saw the song as a strong teaching tool… but all that changed once I saw the music video.
I am not surprised at how violent the video for the song turned out to be; that’s not the problem I have. My concern is that the video glamorizes domestic violence instead of showing it as what it really is… a living nightmare. In one scene, the abuser strikes the victim and pushes her against the wall. Rather than show the victim struggling to get away or lying helpless, the couple is then shown transitioning from the fight to the bedroom, kissing passionately as if the violence was a form of foreplay.
Working for a Domestic Violence agency, I have witnessed how difficult it is to escape a violent relationship and understand the long-term effects of such a traumatic situation. While this helps me to identify that the video wrongly romanticizes intimate partner abuse, the majority of people who watch the video don’t have the ability to distinguish between what is reality and what is solely for shock and entertainment value.
Viewers of the video are impressionable teenage kids just beginning to enter the dating world and young adults learning how to form healthy, serious relationships. The only way that will be possible is if we stop sending them mixed messages. Domestic violence is real. It is not sexy, it is not mysterious, it is not remotely pleasurable. It is painful, it is consuming, and unfortunately many times it is inescapable. While I applaud the attempt of both Eminem and Rihanna to shed light on domestic abuse, I am afraid the video only hurts the cause.
They say that any publicity is good publicity, but in your opinion, is this the kind of attention we want to draw to domestic violence? Should we be thanking Eminem and Rihanna for shining light on the subject, or is their work doing more harm than good?
Arizona Immigration Law Matters to Victims of Domestic Violence
By now most of us know about the new Arizona law that seeks to arrest undocumented persons and establish state charges for “illegal” presence in the state. This law takes Arizona down a perilous path with implications of racial profiling, lack of constitutionality, and criminal justice intimidation. One other very important ramification includes how the Latino community responds to crimes committed against individuals in their own neighborhoods.
Can a person who just witnessed a crime come forward if they believe that they or family members may be arrested for not having “papers”? This web of racist community destruction becomes even more tangled for undocumented victims of domestic violence. Chances are that victim will be deported before given an opportunity to apply for independent status and remain here legally. The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) provides immigration relief to undocumented victims of domestic violence. For many, to return to their country of origin means more abuse because laws don’t exist to protect persons who are subjected to violence by an intimate partner. Their partner returns with them or follows them home and the abuse continues and often escalates.
Did anyone think about the consequences for victims of crimes including domestic violence? Probably not, apparently they didn’t think or care about “unintended” consequences. Or maybe they did. Whether the intention was nefarious or not, intent is not as important as impact. The impact of this law serves to silence a community already marginalized and within that community, the further victimization of battered women who have been silenced by their batterer, sometimes by their community because they went outside of the community for help and now from the very system set up to protect them. Arizona has taken away the only thread of safety by denying victims access to VAWA relief. This law may very well short-circuit a victim’s only opportunity for a life without abuse.
How many steps backwards must we go before we move forward? Fighting to just stay in the same place is getting old. How can we move forward without slipping back. What do you think?
“Telling Amy’s Story”
“Telling Amy’s Story” premiered at the Newseum in Washington, DC.
Check out the link to the 14 minute trailer for the documentary. Help us to share Amy’s Story by planning a screening in your community — go to telling.psu.edu to find out how.
http://pspb.org/assets/violence_trailer.html
The Yeardley Love Story: Not As Uncommon As We Think
As a recent college graduate, the Yeardley Love story has really struck a chord in me. Love, a University of Virginia senior, was found dead in her apartment just last week, a victim of what appears to be intimate partner abuse. The story has spread like wildfire throughout the country, audiences shocked that something so brutal could happen to a young woman with such a bright future ahead of her. What the country fails to realize is that Yeardley’s circumstances are not out of the ordinary, but rather has garnered more attention to due to the deadly outcome.
I have seen first hand the extreme behavior that takes place in a college setting. While I’m not exactly sure why this is, behavior that is deemed irrational or extreme in the ‘real world’ is acceptable as a college co-ed. It has been reported that Yeardley’s boyfriend, George Huguely, often lost control and became physical after nights of drinking. It is only now, after Yeardley’s death, that her friends are recognizing his behavior should have clued them into a cycle of abuse that came to a heartbreaking end.
What concerns me the most, and what has come to light thanks to Yeardley, is the lack of action take by University’s to curb such violent behavior. Never once did I see on my college campus a flyer for support groups dedicated to domestic violence victims or posters with hotline numbers to call. Perhaps if more attention were given to the issue, people would be better equipped to recognize the signs of abuse, and young women like Yeardley would feel more comfortable asking for help.
If there’s a lesson to be learned from Yeardley’s story, I believe it is this: intimate partner abuse can happen to anyone of us. According to a recent survey conducted by the Family Violence Prevention Fund, nearly 1 in 3 teenagers who have been in a relationship report actual sexual or physical abuse, or threats of physical abuse. This is an alarmingly high statistic, and yet we all still act shocked when stories like Yeardley’s show up on the news. It is possible that our misperceptions of domestic violence victims, such as them being lower class or financially dependent on their abusers, prevent us from seeing any red flags that may be present. The conversation needs to be started and while it is tragic that it took the death of a young woman on a bright path, it’s important that her death not be in vain. Now is the time for increased dialogue and open communication, so that women know they are not alone in their struggle.
-Elisabeth, Assistant to Kathleen
