Escape Just the Beginning
This is one of an occasional post from Margaret Epperheimer, a seven-year member of Next Door’s Board of Directors.
She believed she was worthless. She didn’t think she was capable of doing much more than getting her three kids fed, dressed and off to school each day. She was a failure at the simplest domestic tasks, like keeping the house spotless, the kids quiet and getting a dinner on the table that would please her abusive spouse. Some days were better than others. But the bad days and violence seemed to be occurring more frequently.
And so the story goes. The physical scars of domestic violence are perhaps the easiest to mend. After careful safety planning and a successful escape, the real work to put lives back together begins. Imagine if you will: When you’re at your lowest in terms of self-esteem, resiliency and resources, you’ve got to find housing, food, clothing, transportation, employment, financial aid, legal help, child care, and on and on. You may never have had a bank account, a driver’s license or a job interview. You may have escaped with your life but nothing else. It’s no wonder so many victims return to their batterers and the cycle of violence, sometimes with tragic consequences.
That’s why agencies such as Next Door put so much emphasis on self-sufficiency. According to Sarah Fuller, Manager of Next Door’s Self-Sufficiency Programs, “The abuse causes not just a lack of self- esteem, but many woman feel they have lost the essence of who they once were. Their identity and image that once shown back at them in the mirror is lost because of the violence. Self-sufficiency coaches clients to rediscover their strengths, their talents and their dreams.”
In 2011, a grant from the Avon Foundation allowed Next Door to launch an ambitious pilot program of workshops to supplement its ongoing self-sufficiency efforts. Workshops tackle self-esteem and empowerment, goal-setting, financial awareness, education and job search. Because results from the pilot were so impressive, the Avon Foundation granted Next Door a second-year extension.
Next month, Fuller will speak at an Avon Foundation conference in New Orleans, describing the pilot results: 10 women received full- or part-time employment; 35 women created resumes and cover letters or business cards; 3 women obtained bank accounts; 2 women got drivers’ licenses; 2 women got education scholarships; 6 women found housing; 3 women started junior college or a university; 1 woman earned her CPA license; 1 woman created a business plan. And, that’s just the beginning.
Last year, local donors contributed more than $3,200 and law firm Wilson Sonsini Goodrich and Rosati donated laptops to establish a computer lab so self-sufficiency clients will have access to tools they need to look for a job, housing and other resources to create a new life. Still, more help is needed. On Fuller’s wish list are donors who will provide funds so Next Door can provide self-sufficiency workshops in Spanish. Anyone out there want to step up to that challenge? You’d be amazed at what little it takes to change a life. Call Sarah Fuller (408-501-7567) if you want to hear more about the courage, tenacity and perseverance of those who have been battered and how you can help.
Next Door Receives eBay Foundation Grant For Its Shelter Program
Next Door has been awarded a $5,000.00 grant from eBay Foundation’s employee-volunteer led GIVE Team. Funds will be used to ensure that its Shelter doors remain open 24 hours a day, every day of the year. The grant was made possible in part through eBay Foundation’s GIVE Team program, which empowers employees to support their communities through volunteerism and employee-sponsored grants. In 2010 alone, GIVE Teams worldwide selected 140 nonprofits to receive eBay Foundation grants, totaling more than $600,000.
“eBay Foundation was established to reach beyond the boundaries of eBay’s virtual village to develop strong communities that bring people together,” said Lauren Moore, Executive Director of eBay Foundation. “Through our GIVE Teams, eBay Foundation has had the great fortune of feeding families in the San Francisco Bay Area, helping foster children in India, seniors in Germany, mentoring at-risk youth in Omaha, and homeless in Austin—to name only a few. We couldn’t be happier to add to our list of beneficiaries by supporting Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence.
ABOUT EBAY FOUNDATION
eBay Foundation was established by eBay, Inc. in 1998 and, reflecting eBay innovation, was the first corporate foundation to be endowed with pre-IPO stock. Since inception, the Foundation has contributed more than $21 million to nonprofit organizations worldwide. The Foundation engages eBay Inc. employees and supports their pursuit of charitable giving and volunteerism through its GIVE Team program. In addition, using a unique combination of foundation funding, employee volunteerism, and other resources, eBay Foundation has created The Opportunity Project to extend the company’s commitment to global citizenship. By scaling social innovations that create economic opportunity, The Opportunity Project gives people in need the chance to participate in the global economy, provide for their families, and build stronger communities. For more information: www.theopportunityproject.org.
# # #
CONTACTS:
Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence
Jono Marcus
jmarcus@nextdoor.org
(408)501-7550
eBay Foundation
Lauren Moore
lamoore@ebay.com
(408)376-8157
Creating Community: Quilts as Women’s Shelter
In July 2009 the San Jose Museum of Quilts launched a new program called Quilts as Women’s Shelter in partnership with Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence and the Santa Clara Valley Quilt Association (SCVQA). This popular program is designed to provide participants with new skills and the sense of accomplishment and confidence that comes from the creative process and successfully exercising new skills.
The quilts are currently on display at the San Jose Museum of Quilts. For more information, click here.
Magazine tells male audience how to “turn girls out”?
During a recent interview with the hip-hop magazine XXL, rapper Too $hort encouraged teenage boys to “turn girls out” by pushing “her up against the wall.”1 The 45-year-old rapper continued, graphically urging his audience to put their hands inside the underwear of middle school-aged girls in order to achieve what he called “mind manipulation.” The magazine packaged the disturbing monologue under the headline “Fatherly Advice From Too $hort.”
Rhetoric like this has real effects on girls in our communities. A new study reveals that a staggering three out of five Black girls experience sexual assault by the time they turn 18.2 So why did the XXL staff, led by Editor-in-Chief Vanessa Satten, allow this video to appear on its site?
Join us in calling on Harris Publications Inc., publisher of XXL, to fire Satten and explain what steps they’ll take to make sure that sexual violence directed at girls and women is not tolerated at their magazines and websites. When we do, we’ll send a message to the entertainment media industry that we won’t be silent while one of its companies demeans and endangers our children.
Please click below to sign the petition, and ask your family and friends to do the same. It only takes a moment:
http://act.colorofchange.org/sign/protectgirls
It’s hard to read the words above, let alone watch a 45-year-old man say them while “upbeat, child-themed music plays in the background.”3 But that’s exactly what the XXL staff allowed to go live on its site — which attracts about 25,000 unique visitors a day — late last week. Satten has tried to excuse herself by saying that she didn’t see the video before it posted.4 But she presides over a workplace culture that allowed such a grave misstep, and she has failed to respond appropriately as a chorus of voices calls her on it.5
There’s a longer story to tell about the objectification of women in magazines like XXL and King (both of which are owned by Harris Publications) and the misogynistic lyrics and images that bombard young people every day. Thankfully, a long line of thought leaders have been discussing that and larger issues facing hip hop and the music industry for years.6,7,8 We also know that the degradation of women of color extends beyond hip-hop culture, as we saw recently when a Dutch lifestyle magazine published racist and inflammatory remarks about the singer Rihanna. As a result, that magazine’s editor was forced to resign.9
But this latest incident — XXL publishing a video of an adult rapper talking an imagined audience of boys through an aggressive encounter with an underage girl — goes too far. Too $hort’s rhetoric implies that hypersexuality and manhood are one and the same and that consent isn’t required for sexual contact. When our boys believe this, they help create a culture that breeds staggering statistics: Nearly a third of sexual assault and rape victims are between the ages of 12-17, and 93% of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker.10
The apology the XXL staff issued is insufficient.11 In it, Satten throws one of her subordinates under the bus, refusing to acknowledge that as editor-in-chief, she is responsible for everything that appears under the XXL brand. If Harris Publications refuses to fire Satten, it shows that they’re willing to leave one of their titles in the hands of someone who is unable and unwilling to lead.
Hip hop is a rich and complex culture that was born in Black and Latino neighborhoods. Moments like these highlight problems that exist in some aspects of the culture, but for decades it’s also been a source of political education and empowerment for people worldwide. We can’t sit back while a media company uses hip hop as a cover to demean and endanger our children. Please join us in calling on Harris Publications President and CEO Stanley R. Harris to fire Vanessa Satten, XXL’s Editor-in-Chief. We also demand that he explain what he’ll do to make sure his company’s publications stop promoting sexual violence directed at girls and women. Please join us, and ask your friends and family to do the same:
http://act.colorofchange.org/sign/protectgirls
Thanks and Peace,
– Rashad, Gabriel, Dani, Matt, Natasha, Kim and the rest of the ColorOfChange.org team
February 17th, 2012
Help support our work. ColorOfChange.org is powered by YOU—your energy and dollars. We take no money from lobbyists or large corporations that don’t share our values, and our tiny staff ensures your contributions go a long way. You can contribute here:
http://www.colorofchange.org/donate
References
1. “Rapper Too Short, in XXL column, gives boys advice to ‘turn girls out,’” The Grio, 2-13-12
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1181?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=7
2. “STUDY: More Than Half Of Black Girls Are Sexually Assaulted,” NewsOne, 12-2-11
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1182?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=9
3. See reference 1.
4. “Too Short, XXL apologies are too little, too late,” The Grio, 2-15-12
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1189?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=11
5. “Petition Calling on XXL Mag. to Fire Editor Surpasses Signature Goal,” Colorlines, 2-15-12
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1190?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=13
6. “Joan Morgan: Hip Hop and Feminism,” Rap Sessions, 6-2-09
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1183?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=15
7. “Beyond Chris Brown and Rihanna,” Ill Doctrine, 2-14-09
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1184?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=17
8. “Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes,” Independent Lens, 6-2-09
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1185?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=19
9. “Dutch magazine editor resigns following race row with Rihanna,” The Guardian, 12-21-11
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1186?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=21
10. “Who are the victims?,” The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1187?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=23
11. “Too $hort and the Anatomy of a Weak Apology,” Ebony, 2-14-12
http://act.colorofchange.org/go/1188?akid=2364.1088784.tFhxMG&t=25
Shocker: What Your Teen’s Not Telling You
This is one of an occasional post from Margaret Epperheimer, a seven-year member of Next Door’s Board of Directors.
Okay. So, it’s no surprise your teenager is not as forthcoming as you’d like. There are secrets, to be sure, and even things you don’t want to know. But certain behaviors in the world of teen dating should make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It did mine.
- Approximately one in three adolescent girls in the United States is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, according to research done by the National Council on Crime and Delinquency.
- A Liz Claiborne Inc.-sponsored survey revealed 57 percent of teens know someone who has been physically, sexually or verbally abusive in a dating relationship.
- Locally, an informal survey conducted by teens at Los Altos High School, under the auspices of Next Door, found 50 percent of respondents at that school said they knew someone who was involved in a teen dating violence situation.
- Dating aside, a survey conducted during the 2010-11 school year by the American Association of University Women found student-on-student sexual harassment is pervasive in America’s middle schools and high schools. Of students in grades 7-12, fully 48% experienced some form of sexual harassment in person or electronically via texting, email and social media.
What’s going on? The experts say – despite our intellectual and societal orientation toward gender equity – our youth are exposed to messages through popular culture which often express ambivalence or inevitability regarding violence in intimate relationships and perpetuate traditional gender roles that hold girls and women as subservient to boys and men. Teen cultural icons exert powerful influences on our plugged-in youth, and a few well-publicized incidences can make relationship violence appear tolerated and without serious consequences for the abuser. Girls take on a disproportionate burden.
Somebody better do something, right? Well, they are. Locally, Next Door has an innovative program called Teen P.O.W.E.R (Proud of Wanting Equal Relationships). The program recognizes teens are more responsive to and influenced by attitudes and beliefs of their peers than they are to yours and mine. The program, supported this year by a generous grant from the Verizon Foundation, uses a peer-lead, multi-year, long-term approach designed to implement teen dating violence outreach, prevention and education campaigns for their high school and middle school peers in Santa Clara County.
Just the same, you and I are not off the hook. February is Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness month. The best thing to prevent dating violence is to be informed. It may seem intuitive to you what an unhealthy relationship looks like, but it’s not as clear to a teen. You can insist your local middle and high schools take this issue as seriously as the elementary schools now take bullying. It takes all of us to change the perception of teen dating violence from acceptable and inevitable to unacceptable, preventable and avoidable. If you need guidance on how you can take action, make an impact or provide help, contact Next Door (408-501-7550). Crystal Talitonu-Naea (ctalitonu@nextdoor.org) is Next Door’s youth program coordinator. She’ll know how to direct you.
From Gospel to Broadway — all benefiting Next Door
Six of the finest choruses are coming together on Saturday, February 25 to lift their voices so that battered women have options!!!
Join us~~
For Love
Saturday, February 25th at 7:30pm
Campbell United Methodist Church
Tickets: $20 (sold at the event only)
100% of the proceeds go to Next Door
Come feel inspired, uplifted and feel the love!
For more information, please visit http://www.nextdoor.org/
Domestic Violence – No Place to Hide
This is one of an occasional post from Margaret Epperheimer, a seven-year member of Next Door’s Board of Directors.
Is it just me, or are we getting less and less tolerant of domestic violence? What was once labeled a “private family matter” now gets the appropriate label of “domestic violence” and a big headline – especially if the accused abuser is an official entrusted with public safety.
San Francisco’s new sheriff, Ross Mirkarimi, has been charged with domestic violence battery, child endangerment and dissuading a witness after allegedly roughing-up his wife during a New Year’s Eve argument. Mirkarimi called the episode a “private family matter,” and we went berserk.
It wasn’t just domestic violence advocates who called foul, even though Mirkarimi’s wife said she had no complaint against her husband (not an unusual victim response). San Francisco District Attorney George Gascon declared: “Whether this was the elected sheriff or any other San Francisco resident, this type of behavior is inexcusable, criminal and will be prosecuted.” Regardless of whether the victim supports a prosecution, he said, it is the state’s and the DA’s obligation to ensure the safety of the victim. Right on!
Interestingly, it was a neighbor who had the wherewithal to call the police when Mirkarimi’s wife sought help next door that night. That brave, astute neighbor was not meddling. She recognized what she believed to be spousal abuse, a woman and child in danger, and she took action. What would you have done in the same situation? What if the abuse wasn’t as blatant as a fresh bruise and a cry for help?
Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence recognizes most of us are ill-equipped to know what to do if we have a neighbor, friend, relative or colleague who is being abused. We may have witnessed the violence, heard it, seen the physical signs of it, or merely suspected for various reasons. Most of us would know to call 911 if we witness violence and someone is in immediate danger. But, what if we just suspected, or someone took us into her confidence and sought our help?
Next Door gives this plain-spoken advice, which is available on a handy pocket card, which you can request in quantity if you’re willing to spread the word:
● Listen without judging. Don’t rush into providing solutions.
● Make sure she knows she is not alone.
● Let her know you support and care about her and that the violence is not her fault.
● Tell her help is available. It is free and confidential.
● Tell her you are worried about her safety and the safety of her children.
● Tell her you are there for her and that she deserves better than this.
● Refer her to Next Door: 408-279-2962.
We all have responsibility for breaking the silence and taking action. Ever wonder where Next Door got its name 40 years ago? It was a brave woman in San Jose who opened her door, providing shelter and comfort when intimate partner abuse was considered a private family matter. Thank goodness domestic violence has moved out of the shadows. Thank goodness we as a society and as individuals will no longer tolerate it.
Female Boxers Wearing Miniskirts?
Women’s boxing will make its debut at this year’s Olympic Games in London — a huge victory for female boxers who have fought for years to be taken seriously. But now it seems their participation will come with an outrageous catch: female boxers might be required to wear miniskirts in the ring.
The Amateur International Boxing Association (AIBA) is reportedly considering the new dress code because it thinks skirts will make the female athletes look “elegant” and help “distinguish” them from their male counterparts.
Elizabeth says, “The idea that female boxers should be made to wear skirts reduces these skilled athletes to sex objects. It undermines the respect they have long fought for.” Worse, competing in unfamiliar clothing could even negatively impact the boxers’ performances.
And Elizabeth isn’t the only boxer speaking out against the proposed dress code. When asked about the policy, three-time world champion Katie Taylor says, “I don’t even wear miniskirts on a night out, so I definitely won’t be wearing miniskirts in the ring.”
Fortunately, the AIBA will be considering public opinion and feedback from the boxing world before making its final decision next week. That means if enough people sign Elizabeth’s petition, you can force the AIBA to abandon the proposed dress code for good.
Tell LEGO: Stop marketing sexist toys to girls
Iconic toy brand LEGO recently launched a new line of toys meant just for girls — but two young women, Bailey Shoemaker-Richards and Stephanie Cole, think the products are unfairly “dumbed down” for girls.
The new line is called LadyFigs, and it’s made up of busty, pastel-colored figurines that come with interests like shopping, hair-dressing, and lounging at the beach. The uninspired toys even come with pre-assembled environments — so there is no assembly (or imagination) required.
Bailey and Stephanie say they’re frustrated that LEGO is pushing outdated gender roles on girls and cheating them of the opportunity to build and discover. So they took to the internet, blogging about what they call the new “Barbielicious” LEGOs and petitioning the toy company to lose the sexist LadyFigs line and go back to empowering both boys and girls with its original products. Click here to sign Bailey and Stephanie’s petition today.
LEGO hasn’t always thought its toys were only for boys. In the 1980s, the company was actually celebrated for a major advertising campaign that spotlighted a young girl and her LEGO creation with the tagline “What it is is beautiful.” But since then, LEGO reversed course and decided to market its products only to boys.
The company claims its research shows girls just don’t appreciate the original LEGO line. But Bailey and Stephanie argue that with LEGO’s renewed emphasis on boys — featuring only boys in its ads and stocking products in the boys’ aisles of toy stores — it’s no wonder young girls wouldn’t think LEGOs were meant for them.
Bailey and Stephanie’s fight to get LEGO to return to its gender-neutral toys is already making waves, with the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, and Time weighing in on the issue. But LEGO is stubbornly holding its ground and told Business Week that the LadyFigs launch is a “strategic” move to “reach the other 50 percent of the world’s children,” as if girls have never been part of LEGO’s focus.
Public pressure can prove LEGO wrong. If enough people sign Bailey and Stephanie’s petition, it could convince LEGO that the new LadyFigs are bad business and the company should return its focus to empowering boys AND girls with toys that inspire creativity and innovation.
Tell LEGO to stop selling out girls — sign Bailey and Stephanie’s petition today.
We need your help to SAVE the California Commission on the Status of Women
For the past 46 years, the California Commission on the Status of Women has served as an independent voice for the women and girls of California through its work with the Legislature and other State agencies. It continues to be the only state agency that looks specifically at the impact of state actions on women.
In July 2011, the state Commission received a devastating budget cut, with nearly half the Commission’s budget being slashed. Since then, we have worked diligently to reduce our expenses in order to make sure the important work of the Commission continues. Unfortunately, without additional funds, the state Commission will be forced to close its doors before the end of the fiscal year.
The state Commission has served as an important link between many communities and state government. These include the working poor and their families, incarcerated women, those with limited English language ability, and those with less access to government services. Through its public hearings across the state, the Commission has sought input from women and girls to better develop sound public policy. Go to their website to view the important work they do on behalf of all the women and girls in California– www.women.ca.gov.
It seems ironic that at the very time budget cuts are being made that disparately impact women and their families, the Commission that speaks for them would be eliminated. That voice is needed now more than ever.
Please help us save the California Commission on the Status of Women. Your tax deductible donation (tax id#68-0285369) is greatly appreciated! Make checks payable to the California Commission on the Status of Women and mail them directly to:
California Commission on the Status of Women
901 P Street, Suite 142-A
Sacramento, CA 95814
Why not make a donation in someone’s name for the holiday season? Help the women and girls of California by supporting your California Commission on the Status of Women. Every dollar helps keep our doors open and continues our very important work on your behalf.
From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for your support,
The staff of Next Door, and the members of the Association of California Commissions for Women.
